 Like the rest of the country, I have been deeply affected by the horrific events in Newtown, Conn. My heart is so very heavy, yet I am certain I’m shouldering only a tiny portion of what must be the excruciating grief the victims’ families -- and the entire community -- are enduring right now.
Tragedies are agonizing to bear at any time of the year, but these events are especially painful because they occurred so close to Christmas. For the people directly affected, the holidays will forever be associated with horror. And that breaks my heart all over again. I could use this space to explore my feelings about the Sandy Hook shootings, the mental state of the shooter and how Friday’s events came to pass. How could this happen? Could it have been prevented? I don’t have any answers, but like most people, I have a desperate need to make sense of it all.
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 Sometimes, if I’ve got nothing better to do on a Friday night, I’ll hunker down with a cup of chai latte and watch that night’s marathon of wedding-related shows on TLC. “Say Yes to the Dress,” “Four Weddings,” “Along for the Bride,” “Brides of Beverly Hills.” Y’know, Diva TV. I am not ashamed to admit that I am drawn to that garbage like a gnat to a bare bulb. TLC wedding shows are trainwreck TV to me – so captivating I can’t look away.
What’s funny about my fascination with these shows – I am SO not that girl. See, I’ve had two weddings in my lifetime, both shared with the same man. We were together a total of seven years, and we split up for nearly the exact same reasons both times. (Apparently, those reasons weren’t quite clear enough the first time around. Our last installment was officially over in May. More on that another time.)  I’ve truly enjoyed using this space to share essays that detail my personal journey, and I am thrilled that a few people beyond my parents are reading my posts. But truth be told, I’m still trying to figure out what I want this blog to be when it grows up.
In the couple months since I launched my website, I have been satisfied to simply use this space as a public outlet for any old random topic I want to write about. And it turns out my favorite topic is me. (My inner circle of friends and family are collectively rolling their eyes right now.)  I mentioned in an earlier post that I went through a phase of my life now affectionately deemed by many as the “Angry Amy” years. I didn’t come up with that on my own, I adopted it later.
My friends called me that behind my back, and rightfully so. Every fiber of my being exuded hostility and resentment for the better part of a decade. In fact, a more accurate name for that time of my life would be, “The Epoch of the Bitter Bitch.” Ha! Sure, I can joke about it now because it’s long over, but it wasn’t funny at the time … for me or for anyone around me. Just ask my mother.  I feed people. It’s what I do.
One of my greatest joys is making the bellies of those I love very, very happy. Preparing and serving comforting meals and desserts is one of the core ways in which I express my affection. And I gotta say, nobody has ever complained. It tickles me to death when friends and family compliment my cooking. (And the fact that I just said “tickles me to death” should tell you that there’s a direct line between my culinary prowess and my Southern roots.) I'm pretty proud of the fact that there are people in this world who refer to me as "a good cook."  Dear Ethan,
Dude. So you’re going to be 18 years old in just six months. My maxim for a while now has been that you’ll be getting luggage for your birthday. I say it only partly in jest, and you know where that comes from. … The past few years have been rough on both of us, and we’ve had our share of, ahem, challenges. To say that high school did not work out for you would be an understatement. Our family drama did not help that, I know. I’m sorry for not handling things a little better on my end. All told, I think we’re past the worst of it now, though. Thank God. I’m really proud of the initiative you’ve started to take. Studying hard for the GED test and committing to a new job at Kroger are huge strides in your maturity. I don’t think you’re quite ready to run a Fortune 500 company, but you are a hell of lot more prepared for the real world than you were just a year ago. |
About Amy HiggsA former newspaper columnist, Amy takes her random, slice-of-life stories to the web. After 12 years, she's still just saying. Archives
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